Grandparents, Evolution, and the Secret Power of Jewish Blessings

This evening – on Shabbat – Jews the world over will bless our sons to be “like Ephraim and Menasseh.” This is strange and thus, intriguing. We would expect the Jewish tradition to have us bless our sons to be like Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses or King David. But Menasseh and Ephraim, who never say a word in the Bible? It would be as if the USA focused President’s Day on Millard Filmore rather than George Washington or Abraham Lincoln.

There are several explanations for this interesting choice of role model, and they are explored in my forthcoming book, “God Was Right.” For now, we’ll focus on one fascinating aspect of the decision to bless our sons to be like Menasseh and Ephraim. The Biblical blessing of Menasseh and Ephraim, unlike that given on Friday nights, was not from a parent. It was from a grandparent: Jacob/Israel.

This is very intentional. Menasseh and Ephraim are the only figures in the great family story of Genesis who have a relationship with their grandparents. Indeed, there are several nicknames in the Jewish tradition for Biblical figures – Avraham Avinu (Abraham our Father), Yosef HaTsaddik (Joseph the Righteous) and Moshe Rabbenu (Moses our teacher). Jacob/Israel has a nickname, too. It is Israel Saba (Israel the Grandfather).

Jacob/Israel is hyphenated because it is the same person. In Genesis 32, an angel changes Jacob’s name to Israel. This is not by itself particularly notable. Abraham, Sarah and Joshua also had their names changed. What is interesting is that Jacob is the only person to be called, sometimes, by his original name even after the change. The names of Jacob and Israel represent different aspects of the same person and observing when each is used can give us profound insight into a given narrative.The name Jacob means ‘heel’ and recalls the story of his birth. It conjures up notions of following or trailing behind. The name Israel, by contrast, contains multiple meanings. It may be related to the word ‘straight’ or ‘officer’. It implies forging onwards and being in control of one’s destiny.

With this in mind we can consider why Jewish parents give our children the blessing of a grandparent specifically. The story of the blessing is in Genesis 48 – where both the names Jacob and Israel are used frequently. But the blessing of the grandchildren itself is specifically given by Israel.

(‘Jacob Blessing Ephraim and Manasseh’ by Benjamin West c. 1766)

So what?

Fast forward to the first verse of Exodus. “And these were the names of the Children of Israel who were coming to Egypt; with Jacob, each man and his household came.”

Israel, we see, is the name of our patriarch in his capacity of being oriented to the future – “coming to Egypt.” Jacob is the name of our patriarch who is a man of the past– “each man and his household came.”

When we bless our sons every Friday night, we are giving them the blessing of future orientation.

But what does future orientation have to do with grandparenthood?

The answer has been revealed by modern social science.

There are approximately 2 million animal species in the world. There are only six species where animals live past child-bearing age – making extended grandparenthood a nearly uniquely human phenomenon.

Modern humans are the product of millions of years of evolution – a process designed (I believe) by God to enable animals to survive, thrive and increase. What, then, is the evolutionary purpose of grandparenthood? In 1998, a paper published by Kristen Hawkes of the University of Utah in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, introduced what became known as the "Grandmother Hypothesis." Grandmothers, Professor Hawkes wrote, have historically performed many of the tasks that mothers would otherwise have to. This includes foraging for food and caring for children. With grandmothers doing this work, mothers have the freedom to have more children.

The days of foraging are over for most people. But modern parallels validate Professor Hawkes’ theory. A 2014 study found that having a grandparent within 25 miles increases maternal workforce participation by 4-10%, while a 2023 study showed that a grandmother's death reduces her daughter's labor participation by 27% and earnings by more than 50%.

Thus, grandparents enable more people to live – and to live better.

Contemporary data has shown that parents, children and grandparents all benefit from an active grandparenthood. The Berlin Aging Study found that engaged grandparents had a 37% lower mortality risk over twenty years compared to their uninvolved peers. Meanwhile, research from Hong Kong University discovered that adults who had strong relationships with their grandparents developed better "future consequence appreciation" – exactly the trait that characterizes the biblical Israel.

We now know scientifically just how we have been conditioned towards future orientation. Dopamine, the brain’s “feel-good” hormone spikes, not when a reward is received, but when it is anticipated. It is this sense of anticipation – of the reward to come – that explains why we enjoy activities as varied as cooking and online shopping. It is the future orientation that anticipation expresses that enables education, training, preparation and even industriousness. It is future orientation that allows us to forsake present pleasures for future gains, and to make the sacrifices necessary for progress.

Grandparenthood is the ultimate expression of future orientation – it is experiencing joy in preparing the grandchild for a future the grandparent will likely never see. And future orientation is the key to a special grandchild-grandparent relationship. A grandparent who is always talking about how things were better back in the day will find an uninterested grandchild with whom she has only a formal relationship – respectful, even dutiful but not ultimately meaningful. A grandparent who channels her experience and wisdom towards helping her grandchildren navigate a new world she finds exciting will find herself loved, appreciated and learned from long after her passing.

When we bless our sons to be like Ephraim and Menashe, invoking the blessing of Israel Saba (Israel the Grandfather), we are not just remembering a biblical story. We're transmitting a fundamental truth about human flourishing: Future orientation is its core, with grandparents as its embodiment.